CALL ME OUT

[circuitice]

this post for CMO for kaeya. new threads and TLs to go here

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[circuitice]

Don't worry, I keep plenty busy on my own.

For now, you should worry about tonight.

[ he dances around answering that question, for a myriad of reasons. To keep the conversation light, to keep himself and Diluc entertained. To never let on his true feelings.

All true. And all, he wanted to forget, as long as they had this brief moment of peace. ]

And to be clear: I did think your invitation had something to do with the fact that you decided to stick your tongue down my throat.

[hotcall]

[ worry, he thinks, may not be the word for it. diluc's brow quirks. ]

You made the first move. I merely finished it. [ ... ] Am finishing it, I suppose.

[circuitice]

[ another small laugh. And then he hums thoughtfully, ]

Well, if you had refused, I wouldn’t have bothered.

[ and he glances over at him, his eyes searching his face, pensive. Is this the right move? He should have drank more— just to stop any second guessing. ]

Ah, but no matter. It was my impulse.

[hotcall]

[ diluc's gaze in turn - steady, like the low flicker of a flame. ]

What brought on the impulse? Sumeru could not have made you miss Mondstadt to that extent.

[circuitice]

Why not?

[ if they weren’t walking, he’d continue looking. But one of them should probably pay attention to the road. ]

Isn’t the phrase, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”?

Maybe after two weeks of sterling service and friendly faces, I missed your personal touch.

[hotcall]

Hmph. So you say, but your first accusation of the night is of me punishing you.

[ after all, grape juice is diluc's personal touch, clearly. ]

[circuitice]

[ another small laugh. ]

I know.

[ he offers a wry smile ]

And why have you decided to carry on this far? Two weeks isn’t long enough to miss me.

My, would you even have time to notice I was gone?

[hotcall]

[ why had he? diluc thinks - perhaps he did not miss kaeya so much as he missed the potential of missing kaeya. between the two of them, only one of them knew what the days in dawn winery had been like when kaeya had snuck to sumeru with the caravans. only one of them had been left behind.

but that, in itself, is not inherently unique between the two of them. ]

The schemes in Mondstadt did seem to lack finesse for the past two weeks. I could easily attribute that to your absence. [ ... ] Perhaps it simply brought back memories.

[circuitice]

I see.

[ he lets that pass by without much comment. Holds tight whether or not he believes it— the truth isn’t what he’s after in a moment like this.

The truth would probably hurt worse. And so, he lets the evasion stand as much as Diluc has allowed his own. ]

Well, at least the memories are pleasant.

[hotcall]

[ diluc breathes out. ]

This one wasn't.

[circuitice]

… then I can’t imagine why you would invite me to the estate.

Diluc, you can’t honestly still be worried about my homeland?

It’s gone. Whatever I thought my father wanted— it’s clear he— I- we are descended from madmen.

[hotcall]

[ ... the shift of diluc's hands along his side. dawn winery crests along the hill - but he has only attention for one. ]

You had been thinking of what he wanted all this time. Will you give up following his footsteps so lightly?

[circuitice]

Yes.

[ he says firmly, sternly. And that is all he adds. ]

[hotcall]

[ the fist that diluc has formed - he hadn't even realised - it loosens. ]

... why?

[circuitice]

[ he exhales the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. All of this getting dangerously close to the truth that he didn’t want to admit. Or was unwilling to admit, in some small measure.

He knows that Diluc would be willing to forgive him.

But he wasn’t sure he was willing to allow that full reconciliation. Even if he knew it would make him happier. Both of them happier. And so he freezes, he thinks of a quick side step, ]

What does my reasoning matter? I’m simply telling the truth.

[ he says, knowing Diluc would never trust his truths. ]

[hotcall]

[ it matters, diluc thinks. it matters because he doesn't understand kaeya when he needs to the most - because if he doesn't understand, he cannot know if kaeya's return is a mere herald of something more.

but diluc had already said what he had said regardless. for kaeya to not go anywhere that diluc cannot follow.

irrespective of the truth, that will become the truth.

diluc breathes out in the way of a sigh. above, the dome of the stars stretch; they do not cease. they never have. ]

Fine. [ in a way like heartbreak: ] I trust you.

[circuitice]

[ dawn winery looms large in his vision, as Diluc says those words. And Kaeya feels his heart crack— and with it, his mask.

This was too close, too too close. Memories of that night, four years have passed and he can’t quite shake how devastating that night was. If the heavens opened up and struck him right now, he’d deserve it. ]

I forget how short the walk can be.

[ he can’t let himself respond to Diluc’s words. The guilt over that night gnaws at him to this day. Trust was not a thing he deserved.

But he knows to not say that directly, he knows the conversation’s direction would turn in a way and he would lose his nerve and run.

There’s a part of him that wants to run anyway, as they draw closer to the entrance. ]

[hotcall]

[ diluc looks. it has been a long time since he's been able to see through the minutiae of kaeya's mask. but just the fact that he's saying so is telling.

what diluc says instead: ]

No. It has been a long journey.

[ a short walk from angel's share to dawn winery, perhaps, but both of them have taking their own circuitous routes here. one from chasing the lit flame of the fatui in the darkness. the other wreathed in hoarfrost bunkering down in the winter of mondstadt. both of their paths diverged into the murk. both have now re-emerged here, upon this hill. and he adds, because it is the truth, insofar as it is the truth for the two of them: ] Home has been waiting.

[ the warm glow of the lit lamps leading up through the vineyards greet them. diluc pushes the double doors open. the warmth from within wafts with dim light. adelinde must have gone to bed - but the few lamps that remain lit signal that she had been waiting.

diluc gestures for kaeya to enter. ]

[circuitice]

[ home has been waiting.

he says that, and Kaeya freezes. guilt seizes his muscles, and roots him in place. Diluc deserves better than to offer that sliver of hope to him. And for a brief moment, panic shows in his eye, before he averts his gaze. ]

Don't say that.

[ he inhales. wrestles with himself, before laughing lightly, uncertain. at himself. ]

Look at me. I forgot that I was covering for Captain Eula tomorrow.

[ fear has taken him. fear will take him far enough that he'd gladly take Eula's patrol for her, gladly take Jean's paperwork. But Eula was more likely to be amenable-- he hopes. ]

I apologize, Master Diluc, it seems I was teasing you, yet again.

[hotcall]

[ kaeya stands at the open door. he does not move. like winter mist, diluc thinks, and feels cold along the back of his neck.

because he is diluc, he waits, and he holds out his hand. ]

... Kaeya.

[circuitice]

I must disappoint you again.

[ he doesn't move to take his hand, he can't let himself. ]

[hotcall]

Because you are choosing to?

[circuitice]

I have a duty to uphold.

[ a half truth.

but, better to deal with diluc's anger. diluc may forgive him, but he can't forgive himself. ]

[hotcall]

[ a significant beat. ]

Is that your only reason?

[circuitice]

Yes.

[ a lie.

like so many he's told over the entirety of his life. ]